Secret Admiring, for who?

2nd Day getting a cramps, don’t know what to do.. wanna tell you about these secret things i’ve done a few times ago.

Online dating application, do you know?

I was feeling so desperate, don’t know how to do.. feeling so useless, feeling so unloved with someone else hahaha, so i decided to download the apps, and.. taraaa! I found someone who has similarities.. yeaa, as you know, started to chat someone else, and found a guy matched with me.

Looking for any kind of topics, and btw this is unexpected things found to the online dating apps, he just told me he has a friend which was left in the same town with me, and i was knowing that he was my senior at high school. We talked each other at the times, but…. i just realized, he has someone special at the time by stalking on his spotify :).

I felt so embrace and i just uninstalled the apps.. for the girl out there who has Word of Affirmation’s Love Language, i do not recommend it to you!

Actually, i don’t want to tell the truth that i just played the apps, but telling you.. being a secret admirer is totally not easy.

Since 4th of November 2020, i had attended an event held by own organization in college, it took a times, you can called the event is Comparative Study between us and other organization. And i had known him as a President. I still remember how it looks like, i just saw him and had a feeling that he was charismatic, wiser, cooler.

He is the one and the reason i learned English so well, learned how to string up the words well hehehe. As i followed him on social media, i had known him joined in any activities to built up him in a good way, so it just took me to built me up in a good way too. After a long long timee, i just knew, if we love someone, we also loved the things that they loved too, fortunately in a good way.

Time by time, we only followed each other, i even had’nt as reckless as i usual to do the certain things as i text him first, or replied his stories, ect. wkwkwk. (ykwim if i text him first it looks like i’m a freak girl :)). All i can do just following and knowing what activities just he did.

And at once,

The stories on his Instagram one by one appeared, he did introduced his newest girlfriend anyway :),

*breathtaking first*

At the times, i just reflected myself on a mirror, and said “that’s okay :)”.

Almost 2 years, loving him as a secret admirer and had time invoked to ask him to be mine or biting together later.

Allah answers all the prays for a while.

But, i still hope there will the best one will coming sooner or later. Just focus in myself and improving all skills that i need, graduate from college, finding the best job, and getting married :’).

..Aamiin..